It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: (Mat 5:31) But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (Mat 5:32) They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? (Mat 19:7) He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. (Mat 19:8) And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. (Mar 10:4) And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. (Mar 10:5)

Are you a divorced Christian man or woman? If there’s any topic which brings much dissention in the church today, it is this one. Jesus had clear instructions in the Bible on this, but it seems that man has managed to put his own twist into it in order to allow divorce for other reasons than what Jesus specified. Jewish laws and customs in the day of Christ are different from what the Jewish people practice today. No longer do they practice the one-year betrothal period which required a contract but it existed none-the-less.

A good example of this betrothal period is given in the very account of Mary and Joseph. Before a couple were to consummate their marriage, it was Jewish custom to have a marriage contract where they were committed to marry each other for one year. After that one year was over, a wedding feast would occur and then, and only then, was the marriage consummated. If one of the parties committed fornication during this one year prior to the wedding feast, a bill of divorcement could be granted and only for this reason, according to Jesus. The punishment for a woman was to be made a public example and punished. A good example, again, is in the account of Mary and Joseph. When Joseph found out from an angel in a dream that Mary was with child, he did not want to expose her and was going to put her away privately. But instead, the angel revealed to him that she conceived from the Holy Ghost and that Jesus, the Saviour, would be born. Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. (Mat 1:18) Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily. (Mat 1:19) So Joseph married her at this point. Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife: (Mat 1:24) If they were already married, why does the Word say that Joseph obeyed the angel of the Lord and took Mary unto him if she were already his? All he had to do was be quiet. No one would have suspected anything about her pregnancy because she was already married! Think about it – why would it have been such a big deal?

Jesus is clear in Matthew 19:8 and Mark 10:5 that divorce was allowed by Moses because of the hardening of the hearts of the people. Jesus went further in saying that from the beginning it was not so. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mar 10:9) Scripture never contradicts Scripture. Ever! When a marriage union is formed, God has joined these two people and the Word says that no man can separate it! Jesus said this. God Himself!

The one-year contract period (like that of Mary and Joseph), is the only time that this bill of divorcement was to be granted so the contract could be legally broken. Notice that Jesus says in Matt. 5:32 that it was only to be granted in the case of fornication. Jesus went on to say that if this woman married another, she would be committing adultery. If they were already married when she was unfaithful, Jesus would not have used the two words fornication and adultery in the same verse. Many today use the two words interchangeably but that is not the way it is written. Fornication refers to unfaithfulness before marriage – or in this case, during the one-year engagement (betrothal period). Adultery refers to unfaithfulness after a marriage has been consummated.

The Gentiles did not have this custom in that day. That is why it is addressed to the Jews. We do not have that custom today, neither do the Jews of today. However, the custom of divorce sure has permeated all cultures today. Are any of the reasons given today in line with what Jesus taught? No. Are any following the marriage contract and betrothal period of the Jewish customs from the time of Christ? No.

The Apostle Paul went at lengths to teach us in this area. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. (1 Cor. 7:2) Paul states that unfaithfulness before marriage is called fornication in this verse. He goes on to say that if a person is separated or divorced, they are not to remarry. Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. (1 Cor. 7:27) (Emphasis mine) The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. (1 Cor. 7:39)

Paul emphasizes in this next verse that God says that they are to remain unmarried. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: (1 Cor. 7:10) But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. (1 Cor. 7:11) (Emphasis mine) Notice how Paul stresses that it isn’t his words but the Lord’s? Take heed, Christian.

Next, Paul speaks to the people in his own words and not from the Lord and it deals with being married to an unbeliever. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. (1 Cor. 7:12) And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. (1 Cor. 7:13) For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. (1 Cor. 7:14) But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. (1 Cor. 7:15) (Emphasis mine) Paul is not stating here that it’s OK for the believer to go ahead and marry another. Remember what Jesus said in (Mar 10:9)What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. God’s Word never changes. Paul would not insert anything that would be a direct contradiction to what God says in His Word. We cannot add to the Word or take away from it just so we can soothe our consciences. But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. (1 Cor. 7:11) (Emphasis mine)

It is clear that divorce and remarriage today are viewed quite differently from what I have shared with you in this devotional. However, when you look at it in the light of the Word of God, there is never any reason to allow re-marriage. The Word says to stay unmarried until your spouse dies. Plain and simple. I know there are many out there who will be disturbed with me after reading this. But I ask that you prayerfully consider reading God’s Word and studying the matter out. Let the Holy Spirit of God speak to your heart.

If you are divorced and remarried or you have remained unmarried, you’re probably wondering what to do next. Repent, acknowledge your sin before God and ask His forgiveness. Then go on to serve Him and help those in need that are in the same boat as you are and teach them what God has taught you in His Word. God can and will use you to meet the needs of another. You would not abandon your own child because that child made a mistake, would you? Neither will God abandon you. …I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. (Heb 13:5b)

Dear God…
I know this will be a hard thing to swallow
For those who are living in this boat
Holy Spirit I pray you would use this
In their hearts all these things that I wrote

Oh the bliss of getting married! The plans alone can make a person go crazy but the end results are glorious memories! Wedding plans are important but are you preparing yourself spiritually as well? I cannot speak for the husband’s role but I can write about the wife’s role. I would like to devote the next few blogs on this very topic. What does the bride-to-be have to prepare for? What should she be thinking about? What does the Word have to say about her upcoming role as a Godly helpmeet to this man? Does today’s bridge-to-be have any idea what she is getting into? I know I didn’t. My mother gave me highlights but she never prepared me for the day-to-day care and responsibilities.

I believe the most important verse in Scriptures that a couple should live by is: Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. (Phi 2:3) When a couple esteems the other better than themselves, they will never go wrong. There is no room for selfishness in this verse. There is no room for going to bed angry. There is no room for retaliation. Esteeming the other better than ourselves is not a trait that automatically comes with marriage. We are all sinners and our own welfare is our main priority. Esteeming the other is a learned skill. It takes practice. Each time you work on this, it becomes easier to do.

… but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. (1 Cor 7:34b) The wife who seeks to please her husband is a wife who is esteeming him better than herself. Dear unmarried sister in Christ, if you are reading this and thinking that this is ridiculous, I ask that you pray and ask the Lord to speak to your heart through this devotional today. Marriage is not a 50-50% contribution – it is a 100-100% contribution by the husband and wife. But what will happen if the husband is lazy? What will happen if he does not work at the marriage as diligently as you do? I can tell you that you will become resentful and bitter. 1 Cor. 7:34b does not state that you are only to please your husband when he is doing everything right. When a wife takes her eyes off what her husband should be doing and focuses them on what she should be doing, she will succeed in esteeming him better than herself.

Being the kind of helpmeet that God’s Word says you should be is not an easy task. It requires daily spiritual dedication and spiritual discipline. Like any job, being a good Godly wife takes hard work. Practice-practice-practice! I know you must be thinking at this point that I’m over exaggerating. But I’m really not. In fact, I cannot stress it enough. Marriage is not easy, my friend. It takes work – dedicated and diligent work. Your marriage can be a bed of roses if you work at it. Can it be that bed of roses only if the wife works at it? Yes! Why do I say this? Because Eve was created for Adam, not vice versa. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Gen 2:18) My definition of an help meet is a woman who helps her husband to successfully meet the goals in his life. She is his cheerleader when he needs motivation. She is his bookkeeper when he hates to do the checkbook and bills. She is the mother of his children. She maintains his home and everything revolving around it. She is his vice president when decisions need to be made in his absence. She is his devoted best friend when all others have forsaken him. She carries his burdens along with him to ease the load. She is his comforter when the cares of this world overwhelm him. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Pro 31:12)

I’m leaving you with some things to think about. As you reflect on what your new role as a wife will involve, I ask that you keep in mind that these are not optional. The wife’s duties are not performed only when she feels like it or when she is motivated enough. They are the criteria for a good and successful marriage. Your marriage will be as good as the efforts you put into it. We will continue to cover a more points about preparing for that husband in the next days to follow. My prayer is that you will take to heart the things which I’ve written here today.

My salvation came after six years of marriage and that marriage was heading toward divorce. Through the Word and being obedient to God’s directions, I learned how to be my husband’s help meet. Am I perfect? Far from it! But I am certainly a lot further along in that area than I was and God has healed my marriage. It took a lot of growing on my part and a lot of hard work. I have prayed for a long time that the Lord would use my experiences to help women who are preparing to be married or are already married and hurting. I pray that these blogs will bless someone today.

Dear God…
I pray for each bride to be
Prepare her willing heart
Reveal to each Your Word today
Impart wisdom from the start

Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. (1 Tim 4:12)

The engagement period brings a certain level of “comfort,” for a lack of a better term. The longer the couple is engaged, the more familiar they become with each other. This can be a good thing but it can also be a very bad thing.

It is good that you become familiar with each other’s little idiosyncrasies. What makes the other one tick? What are his strengths? What are his weaknesses? Are these weaknesses some I can live with for the rest of my life? But what about when familiarity leads you to sin? As you grow in your love for each other, intimacy is a constant battle of the flesh. You can become so comfortable with each other that the flesh desires to get more intimate.

The church at Corinth was having a problem in this area. So much so, the leaders wrote to Paul asking for direction and guidance. Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. (1 Cor 7:1) This church was having issues in this area so Paul laid it out for them. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. (1 Cor 7:2) Paul preferred that people remained single, as he was, so they could devote their time to the cause of Christ. But he encouraged them to get married if they felt they could not avoid fornication. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. (1 Cor 7:8) But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (1 Cor 7:9)

Be careful during your engagement. Stay away from situations which will cause you to be tempted to touch each other. Stay in public – fellowship with each other when there are others around you. This will prevent tongues from wagging and people who want to ruin your reputation. I have seen this with my own eyes and can tell you that had it not been for this couple being supervised, their reputation could have been destroyed. The young man was studying to be a Youth Pastor and it could have ruined him. Stay away from being alone – that’s the most important thing!

Don’t open yourself up to temptation. The devil will use it in any way he can. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: (1 Pet 5:8) Heed Peter’s counsel in this verse! You won’t regret it.

Keeping yourself chaste and pure brings such comfort in the end. Never will you have to wonder if you were “the only one” that your spouse had ever been intimate with. Never will you have to worry about diseases that are God’s judgment to those who commit the sin of fornication.

The most perfect and wonderful gift to give each other on your wedding night is your purity! A moment’s pleasure can bring a lifetime of regret – it’s not worth it!

Pure Within
Fanny CrosbyLord, on Thee my strength relies,
O, hear me when I call;
Up to Thee I lift mine eyes,
My Life, my Help, my All.Refrain

You now believe you’ve found the “right one” – the one that God would have you spend the rest of your life with. That is a serious commitment and one which should not be taken lightly. Marriage is just not recorded here on earth but recorded in heaven. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mat 19:6) and What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mar 10:9) This word “together” appears only twice in the Word with this particular meaning of “God joining and man not being able to take away.” All other times, the word “together” is used in a different Hebrew or Greek word is meaning “coming together” or “reasoning together” – a more casual term. Seems to me if God uses this term twice and both terms are used in conjunction with Him joining a couple together in marriage and no one can “un-join” them, that would mean that marriage is permanent and for life. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Be very careful in making this decision to marry.

Lust of the flesh is not basis for a foundation in a marriage. Christ is our foundation. For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. (1Co 3:11) And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone; (Eph 2:20) Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity. (2Ti 2:19) With Jesus Christ as the foundation and center of your marriage, you can be certain you will be happy.

Once you are engaged, it is time to seek answers to more serious questions. I can think of a few off the top of my head.

1. How many children do you want? You may want 3 and she may want to have as many as God lets her have! Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. (Psa 127:3) As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. (Psa 127:4) Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. (Psa 127:5) I was never more blessed than when I watched a segment on television about Jim Bob Duggar and his family. I’ve provided a link to their website. The Duggar Family Jim Bob and Michelle have 16 children! Yes, 16. This is a beautiful depiction of a couple who were blessed with a quiver full and each child is loved and knows that he is loved. I hope you will take time to read about this beautiful work from God. They are a Godly, loving family. You will be blessed, of this I’m sure.

2. Will the wife be required to work after having children? This can be a true bone of contention in a marriage. I have walked these shoes and it’s not easy. Of course, I was already married when I got saved but I would have loved to be able to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. Better to work these things out before marriage than suffer through after marriage. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Tit 2:5) The Word of God is blasphemed when the woman does not strive to be what the Word says for her to be. This is serious. A woman’s natural desire is to be at home, taking care of her husband and raising their children. When she is deprived of this, she becomes resentful at the end of a long hard day when all her energy has been spent at work outside the home. Don’t be fooled. Be smart – be prepared – have wisdom and think ahead.

3. Just how much debt will you get into? Buying a house can put a terrible financial strain on a marriage when the woman stays home. This may cause the husband to feel as though he is not a good provider when the finances weigh heavy. It may force him to work two or more jobs just to make ends meet. Are you willing to sacrifice little time with your wife and children? Would you be willing to live within more meager means to be able to reap the benefit of your wife staying home and caring for you and the children? If thou hast nothing to pay, why should he take away thy bed from under thee? (Pro 22:27) It is better to live within your means in a doublewide manufactured home that is paid for than to live in a single-family home and owe half a million dollars. The latter only means that more time will be spent away from home in order to pay for it… who can enjoy it?

4. Will you educate your children using the public school system, Christian schools or homeschool them? This may seem a bit “out there” but I have personally seen much struggle in this area between couples. This can also boil down to finances. Private schools and homeschooling mean out-of-pocket expenses. Public schools are indirectly free, although your taxes pay for it. But the heartaches that come with your children being in public school are overwhelming. Please heed my counsel on this. I have two sons and both were raised in Christian schools all their lives, except for the youngest who spent the last one and half years of high school in a public school. That time in our home was tumultuous at best. He was exposed to drugs, gangs, alcohol, and education that is based on the world’s beliefs and not the Word of God. My son now says he wishes he would have been able to complete his education in a Christian school. Don’t make the same wrong decisions. Settle these matters beforehand, my friend. And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deu 6:7)

5. In-laws should be a wonderful addition to a marriage. They do not have to be “out-laws” but should be an additional set of parents to love and guide the new couple. No matter what anyone says, when you marry your spouse, you also marry his family. You must decide now that nothing and no one will come between you. And if they do, what actions are you willing to take? Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Gen 2:24)

If the two of you cannot talk about these things now, what makes you think you will be able to discuss these things after marriage? It will be too late by then should you disagree on even just one point! There is heartache that comes with each of these if you do not agree 100%. I ask that you seek wisdom from on high as you search out the answers to these questions in your relationship. God wants to give you wisdom, my friend! If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. (Jam 1:5)

Dear God…
Let our hearts pursue Your will
In each area of life
As we seek to humbly serve You
When we are man and wife

Let’s say you were planning to take a trip to a foreign country. You would more than likely do a lot of research on that country, wouldn’t you? You would also be asking questions from people who have travelled there as well so you could learn all about that country prior to going. You’d want to know as much as possible so there would be no surprises when you went there, right?

As you are learning about this new person in your life, there are many areas which could pose a problem even though you think you are equally yoked. Just because you are both saved does not mean that you are at the same spiritual level. You may have no problem with tithing while your friend may not be there yet. You may love working in Junior Church while your friend may dislike working with children. These are things which need to be discovered before a serious relationship is developed.

One may think that it is common sense, but not really. You would be amazed at how many people think that these things will all work themselves out. Don’t be so easily deceived. The problems before marriage become mountains after marriage. What are some areas you should be looking out for? Here are some that I believe are instrumental in developing a spiritual and healthy relationship. Rather than use he/she or him/her throughout, I will just use “he/him” to make it flow better.

1. Although this is being repeated, I believe it is vitally important to know whether he is a tither or not. There is nothing worse than a woman who tithes and she marries a man who does not or refuses to tithe and vice versa. It will be a bone of contention after marriage. Being obedient to the Scriptures is a vital part of the believer’s life. If you can’t agree on these, you are not equally yoked. The same goes for faithful church attendance. If you go to church every time the doors are opened (even during Revivals) and he doesn’t, you will have these same hurdles after marriage, only worse. Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver. (2Co 9:7)

2. Is your friend selfish with his time or does he volunteer to help when help is needed – or even better, does he pitch in even when he’s not asked? Better to know now than to find out after marriage and struggle each time you want to help someone. Some people are just lazy and don’t want to give of themselves. Does he do things for others with the attitude of “what’s in it for me”? Or, maybe he sighs or rolls his eyes every time he’s asked to do something. Beware! If he is this “open” with these character flaws now, it will be much worse after marriage. Christ came to minister to those in need – so are we to follow His example. Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. (Mat 20:28)

3. Is your friend compassionate? It’s hard to be married to someone who doesn’t feel the way you do about meeting the needs of others. If a dear senior saint needs help with groceries one month, is he willing to help out or does he figure it’s the pastor’s job? Does he have a heart for homeless? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. (Mat 25:40) The Good Samaritan was a wonderful account of a compassionate person. But whoso hath this world’s good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him? (1 Jo 3:17) My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. (1 Jo 3:18)

There are various ways you can find out these things about your friend without coming out and asking him directly. Watching him in action is defintely one way. Another way is to talk to mutual acquaintances about his past, his behaviors, his character, etc. Ask them what kind of person he is; how is he with his money; how is he with his time. Talk to your Pastor about him. There’s nothing wrong in finding out what kind of person he is.

Remember, you would do this much research if you were going on vacation to a place you’d never been. Don’t have any less zeal in your search for a spouse. A vacation is but for a moment, but marriage is for a lifetime. Take your time and ask the Lord for wisdom as you search for answers. Once you fall in love, your eyes will be blinded by that same love and you will not see his faults clearly. Now is the time to see clearly.

Dear God…
Let not my eyes be blinded
As I seek the one for me
To view him as You do
Help me to clearly see

Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil. (Prov 4:26-27)Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not. (Ps 17:5)I have yet to read an account in Scriptures that talks about Godly dating. There are recorded courtships where parents were involved in the selection of their children’s mates, but no signs of dating. It caused me to wonder why. If dating is not mentioned in the Bible, why not? If dating is not mentioned in the Word, then how did this custom come about? A believer should be asking these types of questions before embarking on something as important as finding a person who he will spend the rest of his life with.

Abstain from all appearance of evil. (1 Thess 5:22) What a great verse to go along with this topic. The world’s view of dating means being alone with someone of the opposite sex. When a couple is alone, it not only opens the door for many temptations but others are always watching – whether those watching are saved or unsaved, your good intentions will be misinterpreted and your testimony will be questioned or even tarnished. I speak from experience and I advise any man and woman who are dating to take heed to this. Dating should be done in the open and with adult chaperones if you want to keep your testimony flawless. Some of you may think that these words are old fashioned. They may be at that, but your testimony is the only thing you have in this world that you will take with you to Heaven, my friend. Are you willing to let it be tarnished over a relationship?

Dating exposes you to situations and trials you may or may not be ready for. You can be quite certain that the devil will use dating to lead you to temptation. Here are a few Scriptures which cover the weaknesses of the flesh. It would be wise to read them often and apply them to your spiritual walk as you consider spending time with someone of the opposite sex.

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. (1 Jo 2:16)

For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. (Gal 6:8)

For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: (Rom 7:18a)

That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; (Eph 4:22)

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, (Gal 5:19)

Satan does not play fair. He will cut you absolutely no slack in this area. You can be certain that temptation will come your way. Your thought life and your heart life will be placed in situations you would not normally be experiencing. So be prepared. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: (1 Pet 5:8) If you go into dating with this foreknowledge and the desire to do God’s will as you seek to learn about this person, you will be able to spot the devil’s sly work.

Learning about a person does not mean you should become familiar with that person in a physical sense. The world’s views are “in our face” every day through advertising. Dating couples holding hands, caressing and kissing are not Scriptural, my friend. In fact, the media is not ashamed and even boasts at no longer blushing over matters that were once saved for married couples. The Word says Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman (1 Cor 7:1) Becoming familiar with someone through dating definitely opens the door to touching – even if it is just hand holding. What did Paul say in this last verse? It is good for a man not to touch a woman. There is a reason this verse is in the Word.

I was not saved when I dated my husband. For one thing, I was an immature teenager with one thought in my mind and that was to be with a boy. My husband’s thoughts were surely not on what was best for me but what was best for his fleshly desires. Neither of our thoughts were focused on being mature. Our thoughts were not focused on being responsible adults. Our thoughts were strictly on fulfilling our fleshly desire of dating each other because our friends were all dating. These are not thoughts of a mature person ready for the dating scene. It is obvious that dating is not for the immature teenager. Allowing teens to date is like give a child the go-ahead to play with matches. They will most certainly be burned. They will most certainly lose their testimony. Notice that 1 Cor. 7:1 speaks of a “man” not a boy.

Dating by Christians, therefore, should not be considered “dating” per se but should be thought of as “getting together in the presence of others” in order to learn more about each other. The distractions brought on with people around you will cause you to stay focused on getting to know this person. It will keep your mind off the lusts of the flesh. Having other adults around you will also uphold your testimony. No one with evil intentions will be able to point their finger at you and spread malicious gossip if you do not leave room for the devil to sneak in.

The best chaperones are your parents if they are available, adults in your church, your Pastor and his wife, etc. Not only are they wise but they will “see things” about this person that you may not see. There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors!

In closing on this issue, remember one thing. As you are getting to know someone, keep in mind that once you are married, your spouse is yours for life. There is no Godly way to undo this mistake if you choose the wrong one. Marriage is a very serious commitment, not only between the couple but before God. Don’t be too hasty in making this decision. It is better to be single and right before God than to be married to the wrong person only because you were in love with the idea of being married. Be vigilant because your adversary the devil is seeking to deceive you – be diligent in seeking God’s will and He will guide you.

Dear God…
Help me to see with opened eyes
So I am not deceived
Help me to stay chaste and pure
As I seek the one for me

Woman was created for man, not vice versa. Man needed a helpmeet and God met that need by creating Eve. The most important thing in a man’s life, outside of his salvation, is finding the wife God has created for him if he is to be married. To marry anyone other than God’s choice is a recipe for hardship. Therefore, as you look for a woman to date, it is important to stay focused on how she will help you meet the goals God has laid upon your heart.

I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to “watch” the person you are interested in dating prior to dating. Is there a woman that has come to your attention? If she is not in your church, it will be difficult for you to see her “in action” when it comes to her spiritual walk, her ministries, etc. It will take more work on your part to watch her and find out these things about her.

Here are some things that you should be on the lookout for:

1. Is she saved? I know that we can’t judge someone’s salvation. But we can surely judge their fruit. That is why it is good to “watch” a woman for a while before dating. Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Cor 6:14)

2. How is her relationship with the Lord? Is it visible to you that she loves the Lord? A woman who has a face which appears as though she has sucked on a lemon does not portray a woman who has spent time with the Lord.Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. (Pro 31:30)

3. Is she burdened for the lost? Not every church has a planned day for going out soul winning. But it is every believer’s responsibility to speak with others about their need of salvation. Do you know if she has this burden? If she doesn’t, that’s a red flag. We’re told to “go ye therefore” in Matt. 28:19. It is all of our responsibilities. She may be on that hands out tracts, or goes door knocking with a friend, or talks to people at the mall. It doesn’t matter what form of witnessing she does, just be sure that she cares for the souls of the lost.

4. How does she treat her father? The way she treats him will be an indication of how she will treat you. Does she dote on him? Is she attentive to him?Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. (Exo 20:12)

5. How does she submit to authority? If she bucks authority, she will have a difficult time being the submissive wife that 1 Peter 3 speaks of. Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. (Heb 13:17) How do you know if she submits to authority? Watch her. If she still lives at home, does she say “no” to her father or mother? Does she argue with them? Does she do the opposite of what they’ve asked her to do? How does she behave when they are not around? If you don’t have the opportunity to observe her with her parents, how does she respond to those in leadership over her? Don’t be fooled into thinking that you can overlook this point. If she lacks in this area, you will have great difficulty as a man trying to lead his household.

6. Does she appear to be studious in the Word? Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Tim 2:15) Jesus gave us the account of Mary and Martha in the Word. Martha was a busy person but Mary was studious. There’s nothing wrong with a woman doing things to further the Lord’s work. However, if it is done at the expense of reading, studying and growing in the Word, then her priorities are not in order.

7. Is she involved in various ministries in the church (like nursery, Junior Church, senior saints, etc.)? In my opinion, these three areas bring out the woman. A woman was made to nurture, teach and care for those placed in her care. These three ministries help her to grow in these areas.

8. Is she a servant at heart? Is she lazy? Does she jump right in when help is needed? I’ve seen women walk away from banquets at church without so much as lifting a finger to help clean up afterwards.

9. Is she modest in dress as well? Is she modest (chaste) in her conversation? A single woman who dresses modestly shows that she is not out to catch a man with her body. Modesty means that a woman dresses to cover herself in a way that doesn’t draw attention to herself. If her clothing attracts your eyes to her body, then it will attract the eyes of other men as well – needless to say, it is not modest attire. Modesty does not mean frumpy and unattractive. A woman can dress attractively and yet still be modest.

10. How does she treat those less fortunate? She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. (Pro 31:20) She is not only kind in word but kind in deed. Notice how this woman reached forth her hands to the needy. This is a woman of action.

Don’t settle for less in a woman, my friend. A woman who does not meet these criteria will not be able to be the helpmeet needed to complete you as a man. A man’s success is based on the helpmeet’s contribution toward that success. If her heart is not in your ministry, you will have nothing but struggles. Better to find out now than to be married and have to reap a whirlwind of problems because you allowed your flesh to rule your decisions rather than the Word of God.

Dear God…
If it is Your will for me
To be married in this life
Help me to rely on You
As I seek to find a wife

Dating is made simple when a man or a woman takes the time to watch a person before even dating that person. In the next couple of days, we will look at what characteristics a Christian should be looking for in a person they want to date.

Today, we will look at what a woman should be looking for in a man. When she observes this man in action, she can save herself heartache and trouble even before that first date. What should you be looking for in a man? The suggestions below are to make you think. They are not in any particular order of priority nor are they the only things you should be looking for in a man. I want you to be able to focus on what characteristics are important – what characteristics last a life time – what characteristics make “the godly man.”

1. Are you convinced of his salvation? Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Cor 6:14)

2. Does he appear to love God above all else? Is he “in his Bible” and studious of it? Check out his walk with the Lord. If he is mediocre in this area, he will be mediocre in everything else. And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. (Deu 6:5)

3. Is he a faithful soulwinner? If he doesn’t care for the lost, it’s hard to imagine that he is a true Christian. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. (Psa 126:5) He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. (Psa 126:6)

4. Is he in church whenever the doors are open? Although faithful church attendance does not save anyone, it is a fruit of salvation. Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. (Heb 10:25)

5. Does he work in a ministry? Is he excited about his ministry? Is he faithful to it? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. (Jam 2:17)

6. How does he treat the Pastor? Is he seeking to be a help to him? Is he attentive to him? Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. (Heb 13:17)

7. Does he honor and respect his parents? How does he treat them? Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) (Eph 6:2)

8. How does he treat the senior ladies in the church? Is he respectful? Is he a gentleman? Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. (Tit 2:6) In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, (Tit 2:7) Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you. (Tit 2:8)

9. Does he belittle others in public to make himself seem better than they are? Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. (Phi 2:3)

10. Is he a servant? Does he look well to the needs of others? If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. (Joh 13:14)

I’m sure this list could have a few more things added to this but I believe it’s a good start. If you can answer these questions favorably, then dating this man will allow you to learn more about him.

Dear God…
As each woman waits
Patiently on You
Lead her to the man
Who will love You too

So you’re thinking of entering the “dating scene”! The Christian dating scene should be nothing like the world’s. In fact, the Christian’s perspective needs to be totally opposite what the world’s perspective is. Why? Because the Lord says, Be ye holy for I am holy.” Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be ye holy: for I am the LORD your God. (Lev 20:7) But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; (1 Pet 1:15) Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy. (1 Pet 1:16) This includes being holy in dating.

First of all, I believe the most important thing about dating is that as a believer you should date only other believers who love the Lord as much as you. Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Cor 6:14) The unbeliever is likened to unrighteous and darkness in this verse. Don’t be fooled into thinking that you will lead this unbeliever to the Lord if you date him/her. The unbeliever will drag you down spiritually. The unbeliever will cause you to stumble in your Christian walk. It won’t be all at once but slowly so you don’t see it happening. I’m sure you’ve been around unsaved friend. Being around this unsaved person is truly a challenge, is it not? We can all speak from experience that when we are around an unbeliever, we hear things we shouldn’t hear. We are also exposed to things that we would not normally be exposed to. It will be ten times worse with dating an unsaved person. The more familiar and comfortable that person gets with you, their true colors will come through. They serve their father the devil, so why would you think they would be interested in the things of God? They won’t be so don’t be fooled. Jesus says this of the unsaved, Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. (John 8:44)

And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? (2 Cor 6:15) This is pretty serious! Christ likens being with unbelievers as being with Belial, a demon or wicked person! That’s pretty serious stuff! How much more true can this be of dating an unsaved person?!

And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. (2 Cor 6:16) Since you are born again, you are the temple of God. Therefore, why would you want to date a person who is likened to an idol? This unsaved person will lead you to idolatry, my friend. This unsaved person will turn your focus away from God and onto the world. Anything that occupies our thoughts and actions more than God is considered an idol. Remember, a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump. This is so important that it is mentioned twice: Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump? (1 Cor 5:6) A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump. (Gal 5:9)

Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, (2 Cor 6:17) The Lord tells you to come out from the world and to not even touch anything of the world. You will be getting to know this unsaved person in a more personal way than you would most things in the world. This verse is definitely more applicable to those we come into close fellowship with.

My best advice to the single Christian today is to take your time finding someone to date. You will be glad you did. If you wait on the Lord, it will save you possible sin and heartache down the line. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. (Psa 27:14) Next time, we will cover what type of Christian you should be looking to date. Until then, keep your eyes focused on the Lord and don’t be consumed with the idea of dating. Let the Lord lay the ground work for you. Only then will it be permanent.

Dear God…
Make my path plain and clear
So I do not stumble along the way
May I only seek Your will
In my life from day to day