Weddings are such a joyous occasion! 💜 We welcome a daughter-in-law or a son-in-law into the family and we as parents now have an additional child! What a blessing that is!!! But sometimes what starts off well, doesn’t continue well. Our children’s spouses play an important part of the family dynamics. Oh, that all daughters-in-law were like Ruth, or sons-in-law like Joshua. For those mothers who have raised their children in church, you understand that your sons will leave and cleave to their wife. This is a commandment ordained by God, representing the proper order of marriage as designed in scripture. The Hebrew word for “leave” is “‛âzab,” which means to loosen or relinquish; it indicates a purposeful transition rather than a careless departure. It is important to understand that this does not imply abandoning one’s family but rather it signifies the important step of leaving one’s parent’s home with the intention of establishing a new, independent family unit. In this journey, sons are called to become leaders in their own homes, creating a loving and guiding environment for their wives and future children. This directive from God encourages not only emotional maturity but also a deeper commitment to their marital relationships, reinforcing the sacred bond of unity that marriage represents. By embracing this calling, they honor both their families of origin and the new families they are entrusted to build.
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Christian parents pray that they have raised their sons to be godly leaders in their family and praying that what they have taught their children is deeply rooted. However, as life unfolds, some marry a woman who manages to subtly change the son’s heart, especially when it comes to spiritual matters and priorities. It may not be intentional on her part, but merely a by-product of her upbringing. This influence may sometimes lead them away from their upbringing, creating a divide between the values they were taught and the new beliefs they adopt. A prime example of this is seen in the life of Solomon, who, despite God’s explicit warnings that this would occur if he allowed foreign gods into his home, found himself enchanted by the very practices that contradicted his faith. Solomon’s story serves as a warning, illustrating the profound impact that relationships can have on one’s spiritual journey and the importance of staying true to one’s beliefs amidst external pressures.
1 Kings 11:4 For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father.
It is so important for our adult children to marry within the faith, as this foundational choice shapes their spiritual journey and the dynamics of their family life. Being unequally yoked goes against Scripture, as emphasized in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (15) And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?” These verses emphasize the significant spiritual differences that can arise when faith is not aligned. I know quite a few women, me included, who were saved after they were married, and their husbands did not follow suit soon thereafter in salvation, creating a spiritual division in the household. The children are then raised in two contrasting “spiritual atmospheres”: a godly mother who strives to instill Christian values, and a worldly father whose beliefs and actions are significantly different. This double life often leads to confusion for the children, as they struggle with differing perspectives on morality, spirituality, and life choices. It is our hope that through guidance, prayer, and open communication, these challenges can be worked out, ensuring that our legacy of faith is upheld in their generation. We pray that what we have taught our own children, will return to their memory before it’s too late for their own children.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
But what about the mother whose son has married a woman who is trying to destroy his connection with his parents, or vice versa? She is jealous of the beautiful connection and relationship her husband has with his mother. I have a dear friend who is living this trial, and it has been going on for two or three years! Truths are twisted into lies, and after a while, her son’s heart has been turned against those who have loved and nurtured him from the beginning. It is a heartbreaking situation that can leave parents feeling helpless and confused. She loves the Lord and relies on Him to open doors. She used to hear from her son daily and now not so much as a call or text. Her mother’s “rug” has been pulled from underneath and has left her in turmoil! What is she to do? Only the Lord can heal this broken heart.
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Mothers struggle with the thought of their son abandoning their relationship. If at all possible, when there are sincere opportunities to correct the matter with the truth, it is important to seize those moments wisely. However, I believe it is crucial to remember that it is never good to interfere between a man and his wife. He is obligated to put her needs, and the needs of his family, first. Rather than trying to “get even” or insert your comments/feelings that may only escalate tensions, it is far more beneficial to pray for their marriage. Seek to intercede on their behalf, asking the Lord to work in their hearts to return to Him, and to reconcile where there seems to be only division and strife. In moments of frustration, turning that energy into prayer is the most powerful and loving response a concerned parent can offer. The verse that comes to mind about interfering or inserting my views where the Lord may not want me to is:
Proverbs 26:17 He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.
Granted this verse speaks of butting into someone else’s business. But I view opinions shared by my child and his spouse as their business, not mine. If I inject my feelings where they are not welcome, I will reap push back on their part. I am not talking about standing firm on the Bible and its teachings. I’m talking about family dynamics where there are differences of opinion. But when it comes to spiritual matteres, sometimes we have to cut ties, or limit fellowship, with our children because they have turned so far away from God that it’s impossible to overlook the sin. I have a friend whose son is a homosexual and wanted to visit her from out of town with his “friend.” She could not in all good conscience allow them to stay with her without it seeming as though she approved of their lifestyle. She told her son about her conviction. They did meet at restaurants and she always strived to talk about the Lord and His forgiveness.
Each situation is different. We need to remember to practice the spirit of forgiveness and to extend grace. But if there is conflict, it is best to deal with your own child one-on-one and speak your mind. Christian parents must be careful to keep their testimony for Christ in such cases: even when it’s our own children! We never know how we will affect the upbringing of our grandchildren.
Psalm 78:2-4 I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: (3) Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. (4) We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done.
We are all different and we are beautiful creations of God, made in His image. Not one of us is the same, and we all have our own unique makeup, designed and crafted by His loving hands! It is essential to embrace this truth, for our differences are a reflection of God’s creativity and genius. We must remember that as much pain as this is to us mothers, God is working in the background, working out hope and healing that we may not always see at first. In moments of despair or uncertainty, take comfort in knowing that God hears your prayers and understands your heart’s cries. Pray fervently for His intercession in that spouse’s life, for even the smallest whisper of faith can move mountains. Forget the lies that are being spoken about you; the more you dwell on them, the more pain you’ll be in. [Picture the enemy standing behind you, whispering in your ear and reviewing all the lies said about you.] Fill your mind with godly things, not the things of this world. (Colossians 3:2)
Foremost, pray for salvation if it is needed, as the gift of eternal life is the most crucial point of all. If the spouse is saved, seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance and influence in their home, trusting that His presence can transform lives and relationships. Remember, nothing is impossible with God, for His power knows no bounds and His love can penetrate even the darkest of hearts. Keep your faith unwavering, and let your prayers rise like incense before Him, for He is always listening and ready to act. He delights in our prayers because it reveals our need for Him and His perfect will for our lives.
Proverbs 15:8 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD: but the prayer of the upright is his delight.
In the meantime, switch your thoughts from this heart-wrenching situation to your own spiritual growth and well-being. If you are not able to resolve the conflict with conversation, then it is out of your control, amen? I am in this situation at the moment, feeling the weight of that silence that speaks volumes. Our son will not allow any form of communication, and so we are totally cut off from the joy of his presence and the warmth of our once-close relationship. Some days bring a new wave of longing and questions that linger in the air, unanswered. Those days must be turned over to the Lord or the enemy will have his way with your thoughts. Is it due to his wife interfering? Maybe, but we can’t be certain, and that uncertainty adds to the pain. We know he harbors horrible memories of his childhood, whether they are fact or exaggerated memories, and that realization brings a heavy heart. All we know is that we are no longer a part of his life, and it feels like a vacuum where love and connection used to thrive, leaving us grasping at those fragments of the past. This is their wish, not ours; it is out of our control. Jesus promises us that He is near to the broken hearted (Psalm 34:18). He knows what you are going through! He’s not hiding in the shadows or behind a curtain. He knows you!
Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
Psalm 31:7 I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities;
Navigating through this emotional labyrinth (yes, I mean labyrinth) is difficult and often feels like walking on a tightrope of grief, confusion, and hope. If this is the same with you, then it is out of your control as well. Remember, though, that focusing on your own healing and finding peace within can be a vital step in learning to accept the circumstances, no matter how challenging they may be. It took me months to learn this; I wish I had learned it earlier so I could have avoided the tears! It is essential to engage in self-care practices that nourish your soul, such as meditating on favorite Bible verses, journaling, or even seeking support groups where others understand your struggles. The journey towards understanding and acceptance often leads us to rediscover ourselves in ways we never expected! This trial will reveal strengths we never knew we had and forge paths toward healing.
Remember, you’re not in this alone! The Lord promises us that we will get through this! Get in the Word and let the Scriptures bring refreshment in the midst of your difficult season!
Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
I will share the verses below each day, so we remember Who is working behind the scenes and in our own lives. He loves you so glorify, bless and praise His Name:
Isaiah 25:1 O LORD, thou art my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth.
Psa 91:4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
Psalm 31:3 For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.
Psalm 40:17 But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God.
Psalm 71:3 Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress.
Colossians 3:2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.
